A kid shot me in the eye with a laser.
He said he was a doctor.
I was taking my bedtime pills. I tipped my head back with the last swallow of water, and when I returned to level, I thought someone had thrown a live veil over my face. Looking at the kitchen cabinet doors before me, I saw hundreds of tiny black spots floating around larger, dark splotches with black paint-like swirls mixing in.
I told my wife what happened – in case I were to wake up dead. The worst of it quickly faded. I messaged my ophthalmologist and told him what happened.
His office called the next day and said I should come in to check my eyes. After eye drops, dilation, and bright testing lights, he said, “I’m sorry to tell you that you have a little hole at the edge of your retina that could cause it to detach – causing loss of vision.” He prescribed a laser repair right away.
Although this was a not happy diagnosis, I told him, “I’ve had three cancer diagnoses – and this is not cancer. That’s good news.”
He got on the phone with the laser specialist and asked me, “Can you make it to the retina clinic in Salem before 5 pm?” That gave me about an hour – “Yes” I answered. “Then be on your way,” he said, “You’ll need someone to drive you.”
I got home and checked the retina clinic address for directions. They were 45 minutes away – I would need to leave right now to make it by five. My wife was not available to drive me. I called a retired friend who might be. She said, “I’ll be right there!”
I got in her Prius and gave her the clinic’s address. While she programmed it in, I called the clinic and said we might be late – “Should we make the drive or reschedule?” They said to just get there asap, they would wait.
We passed a “35 MPH speed limit” sign on the edge of town. My driver slowed to what felt like a walking pace. She said, “My sister was just pulled over – right here for speeding – I don’t want to get a ticket.” “Man,” I said, “It feels like we’re crawling!” She agreed but held steady at the posted speed: 35. Traffic was lining up behind us.
After a moment she said, “Oh…… see if you can spot the button (on the dash) that switches the display from Kilometers Per Hour to Miles per hour. I think it accidentally got pushed.” We were going 35 KPH (about 20 mph), thinking it was 35 MPH.
When we arrived at the retina clinic, my driver’s wish came true – that we would wait for these busy people instead of finding them waiting for us.
That’s where a kid shot me in the eye with a laser. He said he was a doctor, but looked like he might have graduated high school just a year or so ago. He explained that laser retinopexy is done to decrease the chance of progression to a retinal detachment.
Cross my heart and hope to die – stick a needle in my eye! He suddenly had a syringe in his hand. “I’m going to give you a shot,” he said. “In my eye!?” I blurted in surprise. “Not actually IN your eye,” he answered. I don’t know where that needle went, if not in my eye. Maybe the corner of my eye is not technically in my eye.
He explained that “The risk-benefit ratio with this laser procedure is very good. The only thing that could go wrong would be if you move.”
I was reclining in a chair similar to a dental chair. “Turn your head this way,” he told me as he put the laser gun (that looks like an ink pen) to my eye and said calmly, “Don’t move.”
A green laser beam began blasting rapid-fire until the vision in that eye was nearly gone. The laser damages the eye. It’s the healing that does the intended repair.
