I have Tendinitis –  not a new or relapse of cancer.  The fluctuation in some of my blood test numbers three months ago, combined with an increasing hip pain had my Oncologist on the verge of concern that the Multiple Myeloma might be returning.  We agreed to wait three months for the next regular tests before becoming officially concerned.  The tests now show the numbers fluctuated back to where they were and a PET scan and ex-ray suggest the hip pain is arthritis, not cancer.

After returning from our recent road trip to Disneyland, I got into my memory box to find my old Disney wall map.  It hung on the bedroom wall in our apartment when we lived four blocks from Disneyland.  I’m thinking about mounting and re-hanging it.

While rummaging through the box, I rediscovered letters and love notes written to me a lifetime ago.

  I pulled them from the box and began putting the letters in order by postmark date and scanning them– that’s just the sort of thing I do. 

I asked my wife, the author and sender of many letters in the box, if she kept my letters to her. 

She did and has loaned them back to me.  How many couples can review tangible evidence (handwritten notes) documenting the very beginning of their relationship over fifty years ago, before they even knew it would be a relationship?  And what an opportunity – to read again, ancient love letters bearing six-cent stamps we once licked and stuck on an envelope to communicate with each other.

More good news

– it’s okay to cry.  I told my doctor I find myself crying a lot lately.  Actually, this has been creeping up on me for years.  Tears try to get out and words can’t.  The right song from my past can do it.  A sparked memory can do it.  Sometimes I’m pretty sure I know what has me feeling that way, and other times it’s out of the blue and I have no idea why.  Now and then it begins with a happy thought, like when our god-daughter, Kaydia, asked me to officiate her wedding.  I didn’t think I could do it because I would instantly choke-up at the thought and would be unable to speak.

The doctor said it’s because of all I’ve been through.  Before I could ask how she knew my life story, she continued, “What you’ve been through with cancer.”  The prostate cancer (twice), the multiple myeloma, the skin cancer, and all the cancer treatments – the brink of death chemo, the stem cell transplant, two years of bi-weekly low dose chemo shots in the stomach, and two, three week series of radiation treatments.  There were countless blood draws, throw-in a couple of surgeries, and it goes on.  She said, “That can do that to you.”

I’m pretty sure it actually began long before I got cancer, but I’ll agree that these things can weigh on a person.  I’ll accept this conclusion from my oncologist and if ever I get choked up when we’re talking……….

I have a note from my doctor.