I remember 48 years ago tonight. I was 21 years old, slim, confident, and filled with anticipation and wonder – not likely to sleep much tonight. Tomorrow I would stand in a rented, powder blue suit before God, friends, and family to finally marry my love, my lover, the one who was filling my life with joy.
I prayed that if I do this, my marriage wouldn’t end like any of my parent’s marriages, or my grandparent’s. I prayed that I would always be a worthy husband. I must say I’ve been incredibly blessed. Just saying forty-eight years seems impossible, can it really be?
A fiftieth wedding anniversary is a significant milestone for any married couple. When I was diagnosed with cancer eleven years ago, it occurred to me I might not be around for that anniversary celebration. Another cancer diagnosis in less than one year, an incurable cancer, made it even less likely. A third cancer was found four years after the first. The first cancer returned seven years after the surgery that removed it.
Now, I just told you I’ve been incredibly blessed, but after listing these cancers, you may have your doubts. But I’m still here, still married to and living with my bride, my wife, Diane. She’s brought me immeasurable joy. Together we made a wonderful life. I chose very well.
In many ways, 48 years ago seems as fresh as yesterday. In many ways, it seems like it was a distant time and a completely different world. You and she promise, “I do” and head into the foggy unknown of the verylong-term relationship. The only guarantee there is that there are no guarantees.
It’s been awesome, and I can’t imagine a different story.
I saw my oncologist today for my regular three-month cancer check. The usual list of exam room questions includes: do you have any new pains? I told about my hip hurting for a month or so – I suspect a kitchen remodeling injury magnified by my age. She noted that and the fact that one of my blood test numbers exhibited a small fluctuation from my beloved stable rating.
I reminded her that I just celebrated an anniversary – it’s been eight years since my stem cell transplant. Scanning her monitor, she added that it’s even more amazing that I’ve had ZERO cancer treatments in six years (far beyond the transplant warranty).
I asked her asked where I stood on the typical Multiple Myeloma patient timeline. “You’ve blown it out of the water,” she said, “you’re doing great!” I wondered out loud how many times in a row I could come in and draw the high card again. She said, “Well you did today! Just keep it up.”
Multiple Myeloma attacks the bone, so concern over my hip pain is a valid cancer concern, but I think that hip has hurt before, it’s probably no big deal. I know my blood test numbers have had small variations and that’s been no big deal. The two things combined didn’t exactly raise a red flag or produce a flashing emergency light. They represented something more like a slow-flashing, amber warning light – Caution: possible problem ahead.
My doctor said we could order a couple of tests, or we can wait. I chose to wait. We living are so busy!
My wife and I just got back from Florida where we met our new granddaughter. She’s pretty agreeable and occasionally offers an excited smile.
While there we shared a vacation house for a week with our younger son and family, three blocks from the beach on Anna Maria Island. I think everything is three blocks from the beach there, Anna Maria is a long and narrow island.
Our first dinner on the island
We were on the beach and in the warm water every day. We had a wonderful time. It makes me think seriously about going back.
I pointed and yelled SHARK! My kids said no, DOLPHIN – but when you’re in the ocean and you spot a black fin swimming nearby….
I didn’t finish our kitchen by my wife’s requested deadline, but I can see the light at the end of the kitchen remodel tunnel. It will be nice to finish there and move on to remodeling the bathroom, the laundry room, or whatever we choose after that.
There are now two waterfalls in our kitchen
A friend recently stopped to visit. I mentioned in conversation something I’d posted here on the blog. She hadn’t seen it and sheepishly confessed that she didn’t re-subscribe when I moved the blog to its new address. “I’m not very good at that sort of thing,” she said.
I didn’t automatically re-subscribe anyone because I didn’t want to push my writing on them, and I did lose a few followers in that move. Inspired by my visiting friend, and thinking there might be others in the same situation, I’ve sent emails offering to get old followers back on the notification list with a simple click. I apologize for any duplications, and if I’m overstepping, please send me a note and I will remove you from the list.
I remain thankful to God for these passing days.
The tree supporting the west end of the beach house hammock
I stood and watched as the casket containing the remnants of a friend was lowered into the ground. The paint was beautiful and the chrome shiny – it reminded me of a new car. A noisy flock of geese honked their last respects as they performed a low altitude fly-by directly overhead in perfect Vee formation. You couldn’t buy that!
It was an easy day – not hot, not cold, not windy or wet. It was a nice day for a funeral if there is such a thing. The green wall-to-wall carpet of hillside grass perfectly blanketed the cemetery.
I had known this friend for many years, but I did not know him well. I think the same can be said for most of my friends. Who do I know well? I think I know my wife well after all these years, but again and again, I realize I don’t. If I can’t know her well after years of eating, sleeping, and living together, who can I know well?
As the appointed spokesperson reviewed my friend’s life, I realized we had much in common. Why didn’t I spend more time with him? He had prostate cancer. We also had that in common. I don’t know why it takes one and not the other (yet).
I looked down at my feet to see I was nearly standing on a flat headstone bearing only a name. It was there to permanently remind everyone of the life of the previous owner of the bones resting below it, but it was only a name on a stone, on the dirt. The dead I remember are interred in moments archived in my memory.
The funeral preacher reminded us about our forgiving God. Friends and relatives told stories and shared good memories to remind us one last time about the person we’re going to miss.
There’s nothing like death or a funeral to get you thinking about life, death, and funerals. If I have a funeral, what will it be like? Who will attend? Who will speak? Will my friends share stories during the memory/story sharing time?
We are conceived, delivered, and given a name. We’re dropped onto an earthly timeline noting our start day and year. With that, we’re on our way through life, working steadily toward our last day on that timeline. That start date and end date will showcase the dash between them on a tombstone, with our name engraved above.
My adventure through eternity began at my conception, thanks to my healthy, teenage mom and dad. My arrival put me on an earthly timeline, marking my start day and year, July 24, 1952. With only my assigned name and the good fortune associated with my birth, I began my journey through life.
What sort of Life Accounting would we do if we knew we were soon to be lowered into the grave? What Did I accomplish with my life? Will anyone remember me? What does it matter?
The most important element in my life? Knowing God – Jesus. I can’t imagine not acknowledging or not being thankful to our creator. I don’t remember ever not trusting in God. My life has included times like those referred to by Corrie ten Boom when she said, “You may never know that JESUS is all you need, until JESUS is all you have.”
The most important person in my life? That’s easy – my wife. She’s been part of my life for 75% of my years. I married the one that got away! She’s shared my absolute greatest joys, and she was there for my lowest lows. I want to say I’m a lucky guy being married to her, but a lasting marriage is not by luck – it’s by commitment and work.
I stood and watched as one after another, the bereaved drove away in their cars. We won’t forget our friend, but the living associate only with the living. Life, as they say, goes on. Death, as they don’t say, also goes on. You can’t visit there.
I love them, but how I hate printing Christmas letters. I love writing them and I love producing them, even when my wife red-pencils half the content – but I hate printing them.
My wife wanted to author our 2020 Christmas letter, so we swapped roles. But I still took care of the printing. We mail out about 100 cards and letters. It’s one way we keep in touch at least once a year with some friends and family.
Even when I’m prepared with affordable, professionally refilled, guaranteed to work ink cartridges, printing the Christmas letter is when the printer will refuse to recognize a replacement cartridge, which means it refuses to print. Which means it will hold your project hostage.
Searching the internet and failing to find a bypass that works, I’m forced to pay the store’s extortion prices for factory brand ink. In this same ink situation in a previous year, the store had a new printer for $10 more than the ink I was purchasing. It seemed a good idea. The new printer came loaded with ink – it printed about TEN two-sided Christmas letters before needing new cartridges!
The machine was a double agent intent on betrayal. It wore the disguise of my personal printer, working for me, but when I wanted to refill an ink cartridge, it became obvious who the printer was really working for. It sat on my desk in my office, cranking out my Christmas letters, but it was working for the Epson company.
Only standard capacity cartridges were available in the store – meaning you’re paying the premium price for ink. They’re good for about 40 pages (that’s 20 letters – 20% of our normal printing target). Have you priced a two-sided color photocopy? It’s not an option.
I used a Canon printer for years. This was before printers cared much if you refilled the ink cartridges. There were workarounds. I filled them again and again until the printer just wore out. It would print, but the quality was declining.
Did you know that when you update some printers, it’s almost like downloading ransomware? The update helps the printer better determine if you are trying to use a refilled ink cartridge. It tells the printer not to recognize the cartridge you filled or the cartridge filled with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. The printer will hold your Christmas letters (and all your printing) hostage until you purchase the printer brand cartridge.
If you want your letters to go out, you must pay.
If someone knows a better way, please tell me.
In the meantime, it is with great pleasure I’m able to report that nothing is going on with my cancer.
I’m compelled to write and take pictures, but this is not a writer’s blog or a photography blog. It’s not an automotive or home remodel blog, and it’s not a travel blog, but those topics and more do get a lot of ink here (free ink).
Joey cruisin’ past my house – Wheels On Fire!
This blog was originally designed to update my friends and family about my medical condition. If a fellow cancer victim might read it and find the answer to a question, or find some comfort – all the better!
I continue to see my oncologist every three months, and things have remained stable. I had a small surgery in January to counter some damage from my last series of radiation treatments. That recovery is going well.
I had a diabetic follow-up visit and added more medication. I’m seeing my eye doctor more often (but not more clearly). I have an appointment with my heart doctor in a week, just to make sure it’s still firing on all cylinders.
